The Bitch: On the off-chance that he's listening, Andrew takes this opportunity to apologize to an H&M clerk that he totally threw some sized-large shade at and tells you exactly what you can expect from Britney Spears as a newly-appointed judge on 'X Factor'. THEN, in honour of this week's musical-theatrically dynamic guest, Andrew announces a winner's list of his own personal Tony Awards...

The Salad: Sharron is Carin'! Andrew is joined by cabaret legend, stage goddess and general tour-de-force SHARRON MATTHEWS for what will go down as the most momentous interview in the herstory of this podcast (this week, anyhow). Discussed: how life imitated art in the cafeteria on set of "Mean Girls", treading the boards at Sheridan College back in 'da day, how Elaine Stritch single-leggedly got her into Cabaret, looking back at 52 parties, being the toast of Edinburgh, whether or not the 'Cabaret Star' is dead AND 'Canada Sings'? More like Canada ZINGS!

Girls Girls Girls!!! Fun Fun Fun!!!

It's a relatively decent time to be alive! Andrew celebrates Obama's endorsement of gay marriage and ties a foreboding bow on the conversation by speculating that he'll be assassinated for doing so... PLUS - Why John Travolta is the PG&E to one Californian lawyer's Erin Brockovitch and why a class-action suit revolving around H-J's is so amazing... and FINALLY - VH1 Diva's 2012: A Tribute to Whitney Houston almost doesn't need to happen anymore as Andrew gives a detailed blow-by-blow of who should sing what....

THE BITCH: Andrew recounts - with pirated audio recording - an evening spent with dynamic she-beast KATHLEEN TURNER!!! What was in her backstage rider? FIND OUT! What's this I'm hearing about her and Lauren Bacall play a demented vocal limbo with each other? FIND IN!

THE SALAD: Andrew sits down with the very been-there, done-that KRISTEEN VON HAGEN to dish on her long, storied, cross-continental trajectory in comedy from starting out in BC to being part of the original Spirits crew, her first break, being packaged as a Gen X postergirl, swimming in Russel Peters' pool of gold coins, living in a continual comic dormitory PLUS - remember that year the Canadian Comedy Awards didn't want to pay women because "men needed the money more"? Kristeen does.

Two powerhouses of stage and screen together at last!!!

Andrew did comedy in London, Ontario and lived to tell about it! And DOES! He congratulates Sharon Needles and lists, in no particular order, his list of Canadian Drag Queens that should be granted working papers to compete in RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5... and, Lena Dunham? More like Lena DONE-HAM. Also – why he’d be friends with ‘Dance Moms’ Abby Lee Miller, how it’s a modern day Gypsy, and why Kotex is the future of standup comedy!

The Bitch: Andrew sits down with the “Sexy Typewriter” herself, SOFI PAPAMARKO, to find out the when’s, how’s, why’s and whatever’s on how she got her sexy, typewriting feet in the door of the zombie that IS the print industry.... also – does she go on dates for the source material alone? What do her dates think about being source material? How does she characterize the dating woman of today? PLUS – a dummies guide to the top internet dating sites!

The Salad: Andrew is graced with the him-proclaimed ‘best bangs in comedy’, the one and only LAURIE ELLIOTT, to ruminate over her past as a championship diver (guess what her favourite dive is? Hint: ALL OF THEM), her sketch-y past, how she avoided becoming a jaded c*nt, her biggest champions, Almost being ‘Almost Audrey’, and a story about her first period that would make Judy Blume both blush and proud!

The Bitch: Andrew officially anoints Lisa Gail (Maiden Name: Allred) as the official Viral Video Queen of 2012 as Rebecca Black and Antoine Dodson glower in the corner. Also – a “haha I told you so” of Alberta’s marching army of dunces, The WildRose Party, a dissatisfactory “Final 3” episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race and Andrew’s list of the TOP 6 FEMALE-CENTRIC TELEVISION SHOWS TO PREMIERE THIS SEASON!

The Salad: Andrew is joined by comedian and star of “Masculathon” DARRYL DINN for a blessedly ambivalent recap of his experience at “Oprah’s Life Class” when it touched down in Toronto. O, how the mighty have fallen... SALACIOUS!!!

Happy week-after-Easter! Andrew saw “The Hunger Games”! Did you? As a real-life Effie Trinkle, he volunteers his take on it the same way the tributes volunteer for the games! Also: why Donald Trump all of a sudden got behind the admission of Transgendered Vancouverite Miss USA contestant Jenna Tarackova, how we should do away with honorific titles, in praise of Kate McKinnon AND... One Direction? More like One Erection! Specifically... ANDREW’S!

The Bitch: Andrew sits down with improv prodigy, or, ImProvgidy and star of YTV’s “That’s So Weird” KAYLA LORETTE, to talk family trees, a woman’s pant and what makes tweens laugh... and more importantly – and in-depth exploration of when actresses of a certain age embrace the goddess within!

The Salad: We welcome improv mega-star JAN CARUANA for a discussion on rookie mistakes in improv, the most important qualities for an improviser to have, what makes bad improv, EVENING at the improv, her contribution to popular culture as Emma “The Girl Who Eats Her Feelings” Gerber in the seminal film OF OUR TIME “Mean Girls”... plus, how she was singularly influenced to get into acting by the short-lived 1990 sitcom “BABES”!!!

CAN'T MISS!!!

WE'RE BACK!!! And badder than always!!!

After a lengthy hiatus, the BITCH SALAD podcast is back with a new format and newer attitude!

Andrew explains the why's and how's of the hiatus then delves right into Canada's do-away with the penny, the institutionalized racism in the United States in general and Trayvon Martin in specific, Donald Trump’s digustingness, his unabashed sympathy for Charlize Theron in ‘Young Adult’, Oprah’s Life Class (more like Oprah’s Death NO-class) AND MORE!

The Bitch: Stylist/Blogger/Proprietress of Quality Weaves ARIANNE YOUNG joins us to, at length, discuss the current state of reality programming geared towards childless women, ages 25-55/over-analyze the listings on TLC on any given night...

The Salad: Andrew sits down with Canadian Idol favourite-turned-Theatrical Super-Starlet ELENA JUATCO to discuss Real Housewives of Vancouver, the innate musicality of Phillipino’s, her experience during the golden age of the Idol franchise, choosing school over pop stardom, treading the regional musical theatre boards, defying Asian typecasting... PLUS: a diva checklist!

Please subscribe to us on iTunes!!! http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/b*tch-salad/id465015191

The B*tch: This week, Andrew is tackling current events with the veracity and capability of a pre-school football league! Oscar races of interest (read: the Best Actress Honours); Cynthia Nixon’s “choice” remarks on being born this way; who, what and why is Sharon Needles? ... PLUS an extremely culturally insensitive takedown of the Shafia honor killings! Should honour killing result in prison-hosted honour rapings? We’ll see...

The Salad: Then, we sit down with perennial Bitch Salad favourite and gaddette-about-town SARA HENNESSEY to discuss myriad things including but not limited to HER RICHEOUSLY ANGSTY SUBURBAN NINE-INCH-NAILS-LISTENING-TO ROOTS IN AURORA, ONTARIO!!!, her mother’s range of mood-oriented nicknames for her, how she did stand-up back in high school because it was an actual UNIT in her drama class (read: upwards to and including SIXTY high-schoolers each needed to do standup... *shudders*), her mixed feelings about going to Humber’s comedy program, her biggest bomb EVER which also happened to be televised, how she’d break down her style, her newfound non-sexual love affair with gay audiences, how everything she’s ever done has been self-produced, being terrified of silence on stage, the elusiveness of online fame, her new serial killer cyber-boyfriend, appreciation for comics with some pathos, combating the Canadian accent... PLUS, Sara reads her most hilarious piece of Video On Trial hate-mail!!! AND MORE!!!

The B*tch: Andrew is back! From a weekend entertaining the troops* in the Niagara Peninsula! For a self-dialogue exploring his rampant disdain for Niagara Falls, travel tips for pederasts, a gleeful recount of a night spent perusing isanyoneup, love for Todd Glass, Etta James’ passing and what that means for our ears, why he’s ambivalent about SOPA and PIPA, Madonna’s continued evolution into a full-blown Disney villainess PLUS... a formal announcement of his candidacy for president of Lana Del Ray’s fanclub!

The Salad: Andrew sits down with marvellous ex-pat and future unconsummated wife, KATHERINE RYAN, to discuss why British people are a.) a**holes and b.) better than you, the unbridled hack-ness of our first stand-up sets, is Chelsea Handler 36 or a dyslexically 63, a thorough breakdown of “Whitney” (sadly, not the Houston variety),  how she doesn’t want any more Canadian comics to move to England, working with Matt LeBlanc, how everyone thinks the cast of “Friends” are their friends, and... exactly WHO are the White Lipped Beans?

*no troops were entertained. Just thought ‘generally fat, unruly civilians’ didn’t sound as heroic.

The B*tch: Thank U India... Andrew reflects on Casey Anthony’s recent vlogging efforts, Beyonce’s instant hatred of her newborn daughter, editorializes on Toronto’s famed “Psychic Nikki”’s predictions for 2012 and possibly a few other things...

The Salad: Andrew is joined by the out-and-out-no-two-ways-about-it matriarch of the Toronto Comedy Scene, JO-ANNA DOWNEY,  to discuss the myriad jobs she had before comedy, the gang of misfit toys she started comedy with and still sees to this day, the sketch comedy boom in Toronto of the mid-90’s, a continual, scattered oral HERstory of the renowned Toronto comedy institution that is Spirits Open Mic, how she was the first person to EVER physically remove Robin Williams from the stage, her grass-roots gay following dating back to “before the internet”, her criteria for NOT booking people at Spirits, her SHOCKING confession about her comedic influences, what she regrets about her comic trajectory, how she is OVER MC-ing, the story of the categorically WORST person to have ever gone on at Spirits, her reverence for the Eton House, how much longer she’s going to keep Spirits & Eton House up, a laundry list of mentors, what she hates on stage, what she thinks are rookie mistakes on stage – and she should know, y’all – AND SO MUCH MORE... also – if you haven’t, GO TO SPIRITS & THE ETON HOUSE, Wednesday’s & Tuesday’s, respectively...

The B*tch: Andrew dishes with himself re:garding Beyonce’s impending maybe-birth, his new-year resolutions, Joe Bodolai’s suicide, Katy & Russell’s divorce by way of a princess complex, how Mitt & Tagg Romney are nothing but acronym’d androids and some spoiler alert(s) about Glenn Close’s star turn in “Albert Nobbs”.

The Salad: Andrew sits down with mistress of the ‘prov, the utterly Becktacular BECKY JOHNSON to find out why, and I quote, “[her] whole life is cyclical quitting [of things]”... and in doing so, glaze over the “wiring” of improv vs. standup, how we’re mystified there’s not a “Glee” about high school improv teams, the cult culture of Chicago improv, the visual default of improvisers, Toronto vs. Vancouver (Toronto unequivocally wins), is Toronto’s comedy scene decaying or evolving?, low-functioning audience members, her role in the genesis of the genius that is Iron Cobra AND the global franchise Catch 23, struggling through the Tim Sims Encouragement Fund Award Taping, her misconstrued reputation for being aloof, beating the last pockets of air out of the dead horse that is the conversation about personal branding, the extraordinarily convoluted story of how they met which resulted in Andrew winning a snowboard and Becky DECLINING a snowboard and the whole thing ends with a breakdown of various animal-based gay tropes! FUN!